这么久没写了，有点怀念。今天写的并不是什么开心的事情，但却是不开心的。看来还是要求太高惹得祸！我告诉自己不能再有期望了！

映洁你要加油哦！

过了今天我才了解到，其实我还是一棵温室里的幼苗，以个还没成熟的小孩。我还需要人家保护，呵护的幼苗。今天在巴士上我不懂得保护自己，即使有多讨厌那印度人坐这么靠近自己，还是一声都没啃，仍有他一直不仅意的碰到我。很讨厌被人碰的感觉，但我今天没做任何事来反抗。我讨厌这样的自己，讨厌许要人照顾的自己。过后印度人下车了，有位陌生男子来到我身后的位子，轻声地对我说：“下次如果有人再坐这么靠近就用你的包包推回去” 他说完也跟着下车了。我的眼泪也在这时流了出来。我很感激他，心里很安慰原来世上还有好心人。我很想把这件事告诉可以跟我说话的人但我发现原来没有这个人的存在。很可悲，连倾诉的对象都没有。那我的男朋友呢？他从来都不在我许要他的时候出现，而且这感觉我只能用华文描述，根本就无法让他理解。所以我只能在这里偷偷的告诉你。

安慰自己

有人常常说，老天爷是公平，公正的。每一个人的生命都会有起起落落，跌跌撞撞的时候，只是不知是何时。今天我的老大走了。他被一个奸人所害，

I am going back to sch for SIP. as much as i dont want it, god is not letting me to choose. I have no choice. My project Crashed. Left 3 months for me to get a new project, new synopsis, new proposal! Why is it me? I always thought it was luck. Luck brought me in to this company. The people here are nice, friendly and we can get along very well. So whats wrong?! Maybe, just maybe, its not luck. Its fate. its my fate to come here and suffer this. I am not a superhero. I can't make miracle happen. Just hoping god will let supervisor come back. This is all i'm requesting.

又到了我说废话的时间！ 已经有一个多月没更新了。好怀念在这里写的心情。 下星期是Nigel的生日！

他的出现让我动摇了。我还喜欢他吗? 为什么当他唱情歌给我时我会如此感动? 仿佛自己就是女主角。 明知他是逗着我， 但我却希望我们可以回到以前， 当两人相爱的那时刻。 现在我跟nigel 在一起，为何会有如此荒谬的想法呢?是自己不喜欢他吗?还是让我再次看到那个他才有的感觉。这个感觉真奇怪， 让我不知所错。 有没有人能告诉我?

好久没写了。 都没什么值得我动笔的事。今天是我第一次一个人从他的住所走出。nigel 很不幸的病倒了。 真可怜。应该是食物中毒。上吐下泻得很厉害。脱水了。 医生说如果今晚还不好就要送入急诊室。老天一定保佑他好起来，否则就要苦了我。 哈!开个玩笑嘛，我怎么会是这种人。 无论如何， 还是希望他能好起来!

就在此停笔!

呵呵! 好兴奋啊。现在在路上去nigel 附近的地铁站。 为他准备了一个小礼物。 这可是花了我一个小时的心血呢! 放学后我可是赶着到tampines 1 购买送他的。 买了糖之后才发觉原来附近都没有买可爱的袋子。找了老半天才终于被我着到。远在天边近在眼前啊! 一走出商店我就看见有一个贩卖首饰的店，里头什么类型的袋子都有。真恨不得时间回到1小时前。害我亲爱的要在家里等我。真想快点见到他。 今天是我俩的四个月周月纪念日! 呵呵。 很恩爱吧。 别嫉妒哦。 我会把我的快乐于你分享。 很好奇我在这短时间做了什么吗? 别告诉你,让你心痒痒乱乱想! 真受不了我自己。就别卖关子，我送他一个我称之之为无敌小包糖糖。它是个小包包装着满满的糖,是一个可以一天二十四小时带在身旁的小贴物。很用心吧! 我也这么认为。呵呵，不说了。是时候看看照片了!

由于网络连线出了一点小差错，照片不能放上网。那就等下次我有心情时再放咯!请期待我的到来吧!

雨过天晴了!早上传了简讯说我对我所说的话很后悔。他很可爱呢！即然说自己大人有大量，不跟我计较。也好，我们这样就少了摩擦。

问我为什么喜欢他，我也不知道啊。就跟他在一起时很自然。他很体贴，就算我什么也不说他也能知我心。有时他很呆！明明已经摆出很生气的样子但他却不闻不问。因该可以说我们俩是阴差阳错才会在一起。他是一个不会说中文的华人。而我是一个除了华语什么也不明白的新加坡人。很可笑吧！他的朋友曾经问我我们是怎么沟通的。其实我也不知道。或许就是用singlish 吧。很奇妙两人是如何走在一起。我会好好珍惜这个属于我的爱情。因为有他，我才会活得如此快乐。

很感谢Nigel 带给我的一切！

我好想有点过分。现在都不知道该如何跟nigel沟通。他认为我很不体谅他。很失望呢！原来他是这么看我的。今天是kuanhon 让我意识到自己有多么想要抱紧自己的爱人。带着好玩的心情跟他说我或许会移情别恋，他既然开始对我失望。我埋怨他没时间跟我聊天，但他却说我不够体谅他。 他每天早午晚归，我却在这里跟他说我有可能会爱上别人。我真的是这样的人吗？很想哭。你是我男朋友啊。怎么可以伤我这么深？我不知道你何时才会珍惜我，但我已经尽力去珍惜你的纯在。我不要求你每天都陪我。我不要求你把时间给我。但最简单的简讯你都没办法传，那我们的爱该怎么维持呢？我很迷茫，明明知道是自己的错但却在这里推卸责任，真可悲。

爱说真的是什么呢？这问题真的考倒我了。或许我一辈子都不会知道答案。现在应该想想如何跟他道歉。毕竟我是整个事件的幕后黑手。

我要抗议! 已经一个多星期，亲爱的男朋友都没约我出去哦。 真是的。 今天kuan hon 让我差点就爱上他。 我没对nigel不忠，现阶段还处于欣赏，但以后会不会有进一步的发展就是未知数。 好啦。别吓你们。我要声明，我是一个非常死心踏地的女人，绝对不会一脚踏两船的。 但nigel 真的很过分哦。 总得给他一点颜色瞧瞧。 呵呵!心里好象快乐一点了。 原规正状， kuan hon 真是绝种的好男人。 要说起他的英勇事迹还真没什么时间。所以我决定会家再继续。 现在就写到这。 家里见!

Replaced my ezlink card and sch matrix card. spend 38.20 in total!.
broke. have to pay phone bill too. arrgh... sian. super sian..

Green, NO DRUG, card holder missing AGAIN



Just realized i have lost my card holder twice in a month!. the previous time was on the 14th june and today, 13th july. NOT even 1 month since i last lost it. This time round was at causeway point. i'm quite certain that it was there but unfortunately, no one return it to any passenger service counter.



Conclusion: Woodlanders are all not helpful.



haiz. shouldn't blame others. i'm at fault. but seriously, after the movie, despicable me, the card just disappear. what the.

super sad luh. i shall wait another day for people to return the card. gonna call up bus transit to terminate that card. 30 dollars gone!.

我很怕。深怕有一天他会离开我。

就说嘛， 新加坡有的是人才，何必用外来人才呢? 。他们来到这里就连最基本的"请排队"都做不到。我们连同基本常识都得教他们， 不觉得浪费我们宝贵的时间吗? 今天早晨， 太阳公公才刚起身不久，我就被一个没排队还为自己编了一个字典这么厚的借口的auntie 训了一顿。

故事是这样的。
168 巴士到了，人们一个接一个的上了巴士。 正当我右脚往前放在第一个梯级时，有一位中年妇女抱着一个小孩没派队的跑到我的身旁上了车。靠，真是没修养不懂的什么叫排队吗?我便好心的跟她说"请你排队" 或许不要脸和不知羞耻都写在她脸上只是我当时没看见。 我只睡了五个小时，这也难怪。原来好心是没好报的，她嗓门可真大，说着"没看到我有小孩吗?带着小孩怎么排队呢? 我喃喃自语"有小孩就不能排队哦?" 虽然是小声点，但我很有信心巴士uncle一定听得非常清楚。就在我希望他挺身而出，英雄救美时，他却不当一回事。我放弃了。了解到人都是自私。auntie 都是罗嗦的，身后又传来卷舌的大桑音"stupid!我看以后 你怎么带小孩排队!" 我放弃了。被一个连英语都不会的人喊stupid真没脸。 算了，当她是勇气可佳掌身鼓励鼓励一下吧。之后我心里又有了一个想法，“要等我有孩子你都不知道死去哪里了”其实我也没那么气。传说中他们就是这等人，能怎么办呢？总不能让一只猪学怎么飞吧。

所以我学会看开。我承认我的脑袋很小，没办法装下这些多余的事。写完之后我就会忘了。希望明天，后天，大后天都 不要发生相同的事。
要睡了，晚安！

在读了LiSiMing 写的博客之后，我有了启发，那就是写华文。 在这里，我要强力的推荐他的博客。除了好笑，好玩，再好笑，我想不到别的词语来形容了。读了他的博客我才了解原来博客也是可以这么样精彩。如果siming看到这篇文章，他会感谢我吗？我不要求礼物；鲍鱼，鱼翅，龙虾，螃蟹就足够满足我了。我要先说一声谢谢。

请大家多多支持www.smartsiming.blogspot.com. 它将会为你无聊的一天带来欢笑和惊喜。

I'm in such a dead shit. Hate tuesday. I'm always late for sch. Should say this is not my fault. 900 bus didn't want to come on time. Just board 168. Hope i'll get to sch on time.

things to do today:
a game of monopoly deal
dinner with phy at some place
do up tissue engineering log book
Revise rtech.

Update Update....

First thing: i have found my cards! call up hougang bus interchange and they had it over there!. went down with my sis and collect it!. hurray. lao tian really is watching over me. hees.

Second thing: Return back to Burberry kids. Was posted to taka. work with Fitri, Christine and Zana. its still okay to work with zana and christine. but not too good with Fitri. She seems to be very fierce.. scary eh. Lots of things happened. All the gossiping and backstabbing... XI GUAN JIU HAO. lols.

Third thing: I am broke! SUPER BROKE.

Forth: On mission to search for SUGAR daddy. hahas. Kidding la. need to pull through this month and everything will be alright next month. (:

FIFTH and the final: I am going on a interview with Biodevises!. i'm trying to prepare for the interview but somehow i still can't seem to figure out how to respond to "Tell me more about yourself".. Oh no. this is the most basic and important question, yet i have problem answering it. i need LAO TIAN to BAO YOU again. lols.

NOT MY DAY

Went out at 4pm to have dinner with Lisa and Charlene. Wanted to catch Super Junior in Changi when they are going back. But somehow SM people damn cunning. They didn't walk through the departure gate. Instead, go through the staff entrance. ARRGH. irritating rights? all the hardcore fans came but went home with NOTHING.

Apart from the disappointment, my card holder went missing. Searched high and low for it but no luck. called T2 and T3 to see if anyone had returned the card holder... No luck. wake up early this morning just to call SBS transit. was hoping i might drop it on 27. No one pick up the call. Left my name and phone number with them. Hoping they'll call.

Called up transitlink to deactivate my card but they ask me to wait awhile cos if i manage to get the card back, they can't re-activate the card. Need to make new card. will wait afew more days. No ezlink card, nowhere to go. Taka staff card and sch matrix card also lost. can't work in taka anymore. gonna work at isetan. i'll miss the Ayam penyet. oh man. i can still think abt food in this stituation.

Another thing. I need my matrix card for exam! and i guess need it to graduate too!. what the. replacement of sch matri card have to pay $50!. arrgh. NO MONEY LE LA. what the hell. burberry pay also not here yet. all the office people super slow!

what should i do now? sit and wait?!just let me get the cards back. PLEASE. 老天保佑

I still couldnt believe i had forced fed a rat! Oh man. I'm so cruel!! Now then i feel the pain. Just now when i was holding her, i swear i didnt feel much. But now, as i'm recalling, everything feels different! Btw, my rat's name is girl girl. And her number is 4. Hahs. Gonna kill or euthanize girl girl next week. Sad. And after that, we'll be getting mice. Another round of torturing. So not going to look forward to next week.

Nigel went dinner with his friends at china town. He asked mi to join, but too inconvenient for me. Tamp to china town.long trip. And also, i stink!! From all the pee and poo from girl girl. Cant face his friends like that. Will see how next week. So hungry now, but no one is eating with me!! Sob. Gonna tabao home.

FLYING SQUID(25/04/10)

Finally got the stupid squid up in the sky!. Tried it twice luh. first was on the 18 and then 25. hahs. quite fun luh. just tat the weather is very HOT. we went in the afternoon. ard 11am. seeing the squid going higher makes all the sweat worth. hahs. gonna go fly kite again this coming sunday. have to complete all the homework before i go.... I hate CSAS 4. so mani things to do just for 2CU!. NOT WORTH.

DIXON( "professional kite flyer" hahas. if there is such thing)

Frameless kite. The ULTIMATE SQUID....

Was trying out with framed kite.

Roller Blades part 2(24/04/10)

Got my blade!. hahas. Purple in colour. hees.
Nigel went with me. he dont seem to like the design but I DONT CARE. hahas.
although come to think of it, 200 bucks for a recreational skate?? isn't it abit tooooooo expensive?? *sshhhhhhh. dont think so much. what is gone is gone. hahs.
Gonna try my best to skate. at least must know T-brake and turn!. (:
Jia you.

Gathering- 17/04/10 (Sidd, Wahid Khan, Rui You, Johnathan AND ME ME ME)

Woke up super early that day.10am. just to meet up with them. Eunice is suppose to come but somehow Rui You( organizer) did not msg her. eh. complicated. anyway, Eunice did not turn up. guess she is still sleeping. hahs. Watched "Kick-ass"! so funny. had a little pop-corn fight with wahid. super childish, but fun. hees. love it!. before the movie, had our lunch at Ashton!.. prime sirloin. medium rare. chewy chewy... SUPER DUPER NICE. Tasty!. hahs. its a short day. the guys have soccer match to go. went home early. hahs.

Left to Right: Sidd, Wahid, Rui You, Johnathan

Roller BLADES(Nigel, my sis, brother and ME)

Its raining heavily today! rain started when we were boarding 961 to queenstown shopping centre. The journey there was tiring. Wanted to sleep, but couldn't. The rain was so heavy that we could even walk to our destination ;5-10mins walking distance. waited awhile, and eventually decide to go interchange to find food. went back and brother bought his roller blades. i choose to wait till i find one that i really love. going to east coast this sat. hopefully there is 1 that can catch my eyes. Had a small bite at Ikea. Meatball super nice!. thumb's up!. after that home sweet home.

I need to buck up my english!. didn't understand his msg and thought he's talking abt his deja vu! so paiseh. this is what happen when a chicken talks to a duck. communication BREAK DOWN. arrgh. hate this so much!. gonna sleep le. work tml!. goodnights.

Crying Awake

Had a nightmare! a super terrible one.
i was crying awake. sob sob, the feeling is so real! and i only realize its a dream when i woke up.!

I was at home. With my boyfriend, someone that i dont recognise. we're kissing on my bed. soon later, the guests start to appear in my house. I guess there is some kind of party going on. I dont know. We got out of my room and sat in the living room. I was playing with his laptop. The laptop is touch screen!. Okay, thats not the point. while playing, i saw Nigel standing at the door. quickly, i pulled my hand away from my boyfriend's. ah hem. in the dream, i've 2 boyfriends. Nigel and that guy. Nigel came in and sat beside me. I feel bad and guilty. I could no longer stand the feeling, i ask Nigel to come with me. That guy followed too. we went to the playground near my house. there, I pulled Nigel to one side and tell him. "Other than you, i've another guy." He laugh, thinking that it was a joke. "I'm serious. Do you trust me?If you dont, we're over." Before he can answer, the guy came in. I told him i want a breakup. without hearing any answer, i walk away in tears. Did i mention they're friends? "Its not worth to sacrifice their friendship just for a girl." thats what i'm thinking at that point. I went up the seesaw, and started crying. I can literatly feel my heart breaking. not that i've lost 2 guys but i've lost him, Nigel. Slowly, i believe in what kk say. It'll be the guy's fault if this relationship dont work out. i guess i've fallen too deep into the trap of love. On the seesaw, i saw Nigel, he look up but did not come up to me. I open my eyes and realize, its all a nightmare. Will it come true? this is what is bothering me now.

31 March

After work went out with Kk and tzeyang.
had a goog time with them. Oh man. I miss the good old times!.
hahs. FUN FUN FUN!

Oh man. I think yang looks super good in blazer and trenchcoat. He has the "business man" looks. hahs. KK dont have that look!. so even if he's carrying LV, ppl will still think its FAKE. hahs.

2nd April

Broke my voicebox. Can't even say hello. lols. spend 40 dollars. doctor gave me amorphil, lozenges, cough syrup and pills for phelgm and swelling. i guess the medicine is not strong enough. After a day still not recovering. will be voiceless for these few days. Wont be working till tues, 6 april. Wanted to go out with hubby on Mon. but didn't know what to do. so haven't ask him out. hahs. I guess i'm too free, had been thinking alot about Nigel and Me. i feel the distance between us. When i'm confused, he don't seem to be able to give the right answer. Likewise, when he's in trouble and need someone to be there, i dont seem to know what he wants, what he need. People say " love can overcome anything" i wonder is that true? Maybe sometimes love is not everything. hahs. KK say i like to complicate stuff. Which is true. VERY true. i love to add 10 problems to that 1 problem which can be solved easily. this is me! hmmm. i believe we belong to the different universe, he's from Mars and i'm from venus!. hahas. Not funny. just feel that there is this super huge gap inbetween us. He seem to be someone who is so high up and i'm just a normal human being. Guess i'm not the right one for him. ):

DRP- differential research programme

its SUPER DUPER boring.

the nano LC(probot) got problem! Pressure got too high during spotting.

Arrgh. there is nothing we can do now. Now i realize, if one day there is no electricity, it'll be the scientist who are doom first. EVERYTHING is about technology. After a day of flushing the system, pressure drop half. However, we still can't run Nano LC. no filter!. stupid la. the filter takes 1-2 months to be delivered. SUAN LE. Teacher-in-charge, helen han li, tell us to do research. its 1pm now. gonna do 4.5hrs of research. i need motivation and guess what i've found.. ENJOY the following video.

By Tiara and Supernova, Time To Love

21 march 2010 is the day!
Used to think alot. hmmm although now too.
for now i should just look straight and see what's infront and not think what will happen.
for as long as i know, i'll follow my feelings. walk with it, trust it.

27/02/2012
KITE FLYING SECTION - Dixon, his mum, his brother( brendan), my sis and I!

had a really got time.
after lunch with Dixon( its his birthday on 26th), we went to the field behind christ church. hees.
oh man!. didn't know its so fun to fly kite.
hahas. hope to enjoy it again. Hopefully with christopher and his family!.
(:

At christopher's house on 26th - Chris and apple jie's family! Nigel Wong, Chris present student and US!

photos took by NIGEL!.

hahs.

went to chris house to bai nian(CNY). he cook so much food! and they're delicious!

Christopher Lim - my swimming teacher 4 years ago. stopped contacting since sec 2.

there are alots of sweet memories!.

hees. miss the good old days.

我想我真的疯了！既然会有想有男朋友的想法。现在还一头栽进去！
不能再想他了！！！

Went jogging this morning. had a bad night. Dad keep scolding us for eat the food that is prepared for new year guest. say that if we open it, the food will go bad. blah blah blah. At that point of time i have so mani OS in me, but no one to hear. suddenly thought that if i have a boyfriend, isn't it good? at least have someone to hear mi. but suan le. lols. i think i'm getting weak. keep having these thoughts.

I guess i've straighten my thoughts in the few mins of run. I, Ho Yin Jie, do not need a man. I'll do everything on my own. and if i need someone to talk to, i'll write it here. (: cheers.

真想快些长大，快找到一个我能真心对待，他也能真心对我的人。嫁出去就算了。或是有能力可以有自己的房子。不想再和会破坏我心情的人住在一起。烦死了。一个神经病的已足还多来一个不会看人脸色的死人。有够气的。突然有种“如果有男朋友，那该多好" 的想法。我真的疯了。没人会愿意听我哭诉，只好来这里发泄。还有三年！我就成为大人了。加油。多三年罢了，我能撑过去的。

There are so mani things i want to post! but i don't seem to have the mood.
right now i needed a friend to talk to but none seems to be here. maybe cos i never tried to find them.
wanted to go clubbing next friday. i've made arrangements this weekend. friday go club,, saturday morning return home. want to catch the first bus. called my supervisor and took leave on sat. Ask fa shang to my house tat sat evening for mahjong. but everything is gone just becos mummy dont want mi to go. complex feelings... Sadness plus disappointed and anger. i'm 18 years old! she can't even let mi stay at chalet and BBQ overnight!. 18 leh. so mani ppl have the experience of clubbing and i got none. i really want to step into 1!. yes, i may not like it, but i want to know what kind of place is that wat.

she really got the ability to mess up my day. i guess i shall just remain my work and study life. no fun...